My new venture
Check me out I’ll write more soon
My new venture
Check me out I’ll write more soon
So one afternoon me and my ex husband were arguing about something ( what seemed so important then is not even a memory now ). I had been drinking a bit as I did so often back then and my daughter’s father had been around that week. At one point I accidentally called my then husband by another man’s name…. Here was me
” Now , Fred …. Doh …bahahahaha”
Two minutes later
” Omg Fred , Damn ….. bahahahaha”
This happened seven times. I kept thinking ‘ just say baby , just say baby , just say baby’
So the next day my second husband wouldn’t get out of the bed and I called his mother. She was very concerned and I felt like it was my fault so I told her ,” I called him the wrong name yesterday” she said well that is nothing he will have to get over it. I explained that it happened more than once , she still didn’t think it was the end of the world. I did so I said , * I did it 47 times.” ….. She’s all well I did all I could. I’m out.
I’m not a fan of liars. People that lie about being sexually assaulted , in my opinion , are maggots on the rotten part of society. Attention is a beautiful thing and I’m guessing some people never got any unless something traumatic happened. Poor little babysitter got her mouth violated by the wild neighbor. As a last ditch effort to keep a sad little world intact , another fantasy of almost being raped while the future is crumbling and not even that lie could make it ALL better.
Get help for YOUR crazy and keep your tiny little mind OUT of mine.
I have mine handled with the strong arms of MY Sir wrapped tight around me.
I am generally very tuned in , I try not to miss a beat. Never underestimate the power of a practiced paranoid mind. Of course I let my guard down from time to time. I WILL never believe a certain ex is NOT still lurking and waiting for the right time to pounce. Why should I ? This one has been given so many chances and it always ends up she’s a conniving , lying , malicious fuck. I can see it …..
So, no it’s not an innocent picture of her in a shirt with teeth , it’s not an innocent request for pictures of the child , it’s not just a friend needing to talk to a friend. It’s an ex that wants Him back using the child , hoping the picture of her in the shirt with teeth will tug at heart strings.
The ex still stalks and waits and hopes. Dreams of the day the manipulation works. Five years of manipulation and the ex is pretty good. It’s not MY ex so I can see it.
The ex is mentally ill , untreated of course. Scared to even see a shrink for fear of how bad it is. Probably much worse than the ex believes. Since of course there’s nothing wrong with spewing hate , death , and discord on just one person. It’s ok it’s not everyone just me , smh that’s crazy.
Be gone vile asshole , you have NO power here !!!!
I’m making my Sir a cake , cleaning house , and watching my most favorite movie ZombieLand. All the while I ponder the meaning of life. I have not come up with anything. I’ll keep y’all posted ….hehehe
Ok so from my experience , and can I just say….I have some , there is a worldwide epidemic that is kind of disturbing. So you know , I’m not easily disturbed. I am disturbed by this…..
The manner in which men choose to make themselves known to women is disturbing. I’m speaking of the tactics a majority of the male population choose to use on social media. I began research on the different types of men that contact me via my personal profile , posts I’ve made on public pages communities and groups , messages on my public pages where no one knows if I’m a chic or a fucking goat , and even ads off Craigslist seeking employees. I thought maybe I could start with the general population and then we can disect them further.
I am disturbed that men don’t even bother to treat women as if they think of things not related to male genitalia. Not all men mind you , a fuck load of them but not all. I am disturbed that 99% of strange men that contact me do not seem to consider for a second that my brain is more advanced and hungrier than theirs ever will be. My issue is NOT with sex or kink or getting freaky as fuck for the weekend , or early in the week , mid week , not to mention the end of the work week …. Ahhhh good times…..
My concern is that this group of men , this herd , murder , congregation , you get what I mean. They don’t give two sweet fucks that I get bombarded with requests and demands and unwanted sexually explicit images. I have seen so many dicks I’m underwhelmed at any unsolicited picture.
For the record , when I’m chatting with a dude that has messaged me out of the blue ” just to see how I am” I turn on the timer and see how long it takes for them to get to the fucking point. I’m not generally disappointed you guys , even the “smart” ones are not surprising. Don’t fool yourself.
I get at least 3 men a week wanting to be my slave , and this is on my personal profile as well as my pages. I have never identified as a Mistress or Domme. I love me some Dominate ladies , indeed. Meow , purr
I digress. These men wanting me to Dominate them , be my best slave ever…..”I want you to give me orders and make me do things to you , make me jerk my gerkin” ….. several things wrong here , anyone else on my train of thought ? If not hop off , I don’t need that kind of negativity ….. giggle. Chill it’s my blog , fucker.
#1. If you message a beautiful woman , start with gifts , I hear talk more often than not. The best slave wants to make me happy. Gifts do that
2#. If I am in charge , do I care what you want ? Ummm , let me think about that …. NO MAN …it’s what I want , not you ….wake up dick.
#3. I don’t care about your weenier. You do , I don’t …. I’m concerned with the eyes and if my dog likes you.
#4. Saphiosexual. Look it up …. North Dallas eye roll inserted here….
Ok so in summary …. Titilate my mind and the sky is the limit , follow the masses and be in my uncensored blog in a negative aspect.
Love the way you lie
“We can’t learn without pain” Aristotle
Such simple truth. Nothing about any kind of pain feels simple when we are smack dab in the eye of the storm. My thoughts swirl around in my turbulent , flawed , bipolar brain. The thoughts are everything , yet nothing because the pain sometimes is so great it consumes every fiber of our very soul.
No wonder we learn from pain. That shit hurts. We can’t let pain like that in again , the next time it could destroy the precious , wonderful light that is in Him.
I think you have probably figured out what kind of pain has taught me this day , gentle reader. The pain is in my heart and it’s source is my everything. He is not malicious , or mean. He loves me , I know He does. He doesn’t want to cause me pain , I know that too. I have dumped load after load on His shoulders in this past year. His strong , steady , safe shoulders. Let’s not forget these are human shoulders and He can’t continue to take on my seemingly non stop disasters and not have anyone to help Him hold that shit up. He could die. I won’t be the bullet that takes this beautiful spirit from this ugly world.
I want Him to know I would rather feel pain for however many weeks , months , or even years it takes the pain to ease than have Him buried under the weight of MY burdens. I have felt a lot pain in my 46 years in this body. Physical pain from minor scrapes to full on snap my bones pain. Emotional pain from childhood confusion , to the blackest , thickest thunderstorm that can only come from loving a partner in life. Not to mention the pain that happens when you miss your children , the constant thud in an already damaged heart , the ever growing and spreading knots in an already twisted stomach. The pain that comes from fear that we are all alone in such an unforgiving world. Fear ! Pain ! Regret !
But wait , we haven’t remembered why we keep allowing such pain in ….. it’s the light , love and joy that we get from the good times. Without that pain , how could the joy feel so fucking good ? It could not. I don’t know about other people , not mentally disturbed people. Me ? I would take some time feeling pain , so I could feel such joy and happiness , yeah it’s THAT good. Also shuffling around in life numb because your shielding yourself from pain , prevents ecstasy. That’s something I never want to pass up. Five minutes of such wonderful , pure happy is worth a year of pain in my humble opinion. I think people that shut out any normal feelings don’t understand that we have been given a life so we can fucking LIVE. Not so we can tip toe through without having any experiences and without learning. Cause , you guessed it
“We can’t learn without pain” Aristotle
I firmly believe when we stop learning we stop growing and who wants to be ignorant to everything the whole time we celebrate life.
Mother shut men out of her life. I’m guessing she saw them as the cause of most of her pain. Not to mention the bitch thinks she’s learned it all. That sort of closed mind , the sort that is closed locked and nailed shut is a huge source of dickish behavior.
I would much rather get some cuts and bruises , broken bones or even hot pepper farts. Than to not feel anything for however much time we have left to celebrate our existence. Bring it on motherfuckers …..give it to me. I can take it.
So rip that band aid off man. Let’s move past that and keep the celebration going.
There was a time not to awful long ago when I was secure with myself ( for the most part ) and secure in my relationship. I felt sexy , desirable , loved. He seemed to come back to me for a couple of days.
As a former wife of a narcissitic fucker , it does not take much for me to wonder what’s wrong with ME. I spent so many years being mentally fucked. It has taken almost as many years to find some symblence of myself. That bitch is not stable by any means , He does not understand that not to many do.
My mental disorder was not diagnosed until I had been ripped apart inside by #2’s personality disorder. I didn’t see that shit coming and I’m still kicking myself for allowing him so much power.
I am beautiful , funny , smart , and cool as fuck. He did not destroy me , he made me aware and stronger. Sucks for him because he will have to face me again and I will get the better of him again. Evil may win a battle or two , but the war is mine.
I will be gracious as a good southern woman should be when she rips the ex a brand new one before God and everyone. I will smile and pity his facade as I expose it to the light that will banish it to hell leaving him a welcome shell of the dick hes been for so long. There , I found my happy thing to talk about , giggle. Dig a hole dug , your gonna need it.
I do indeed enjoy a quickie from tine to time. They cant all be quick though
So here I am again. The downward spiral. I know it’s coming. It always does. No matter what medication I take or don’t take , no matter my meditation or therapy. The highs and lows are always present.
When I was diagnosed in 2008 I was a psych nurse and did exactly as I was told. Took a plethora of medication , therapy every week. I was a fucking zombie and couldn’t barely function. I do things a little different these days , more natural. I love meditation and aromatherapy. I utilize marijuana for the mania and to help me relax. I take a mood stabilizer and something for sleep when necessary. Sir keeps an eye on me and together we manage.
I still do not enjoy the lows , the emptiness , feeling so alone. Like no one gets it. I’m not lazy , I can’t get out of the bed. If I did where would I go ? What would I do ? Not people , I don’t like people when I’m down. Of course he bright side is that it does always change so the low will be gone and I’ll be happy again for a while.
I appreciate the good times.
I miss my dad
I miss my kids
I’m sad that I can’t be around my family because they judge so harshly
Sir is all I have , I get scared He will leave , them what ?
It’s gonna be OK