As I head to the correctional center to visit , I have mixed feelings about my life right now. I’m excited to see Him because I can only go twice a week. I’m sad because I visit on a monitor in the lobby. No hugs , can’t really even see in his eyes because of where the camera is. Sigh. There’s not much privacy either I try and get an end monitor so I have one side with no one on they’re monitor. Today was busy , especially after church.
I consider events prior to his incarceration. None of which were any fault of mine. I’m still torn , sad he’s locked up , glad he’s sober and realizes his mistakes. I told him if he hadn’t got arrested he probably would not have come back to me. He claims he would have , I have my doubts.
Things will be different this time , I have more respect for myself now and I demand the same from him. I won’t settle for less and he will either treat me like I deserve to be treated or he will have to walk on down the hall.
Everything happens for a reason and maybe he got popped so we would have a chance together to get back to basics , keep things simple. See the world , be together. Maybe I’m just crazy for even thinking it can ever work. I think I’m gonna hope for the best and expect the worst.
One thing I am sure of …. I will survive because I am strong. However this chapter ends , I will survive and I will continue to rock on. I will also always love him as he gave me the best two years of my life and if that’s all I get that’s quite a lot to me.