Pain

“We can’t learn without pain” Aristotle 

Such simple truth. Nothing about any kind of pain feels simple when we are smack dab in the eye of the storm. My thoughts swirl around in my turbulent , flawed , bipolar brain. The thoughts are everything , yet nothing because the pain sometimes is so great it consumes every fiber of our very soul.

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No wonder we learn from pain. That shit hurts. We can’t let pain like that in again , the next time it could destroy the precious , wonderful light that is  in Him.

 

I think you have probably figured out what kind of pain  has taught me this day , gentle reader. The pain is in my heart and it’s source is my everything.  He is not malicious , or mean. He loves me , I know He does. He doesn’t want to cause me pain , I know that too. I have dumped load after load on His shoulders in this past year. His strong , steady , safe shoulders. Let’s not forget these are human shoulders and He can’t continue to take on my seemingly non stop disasters and not have anyone to help Him hold that shit up. He could die. I won’t be the bullet that takes this beautiful spirit from this ugly world.

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I want Him to know I would rather feel pain for however many weeks , months , or even years it takes the pain to ease than have Him buried under the weight of MY burdens. I have felt a lot pain in my 46 years in this body. Physical pain from minor scrapes to full on snap my bones pain. Emotional pain from childhood confusion , to the blackest , thickest thunderstorm that can only come from loving a partner in life. Not to mention the pain that happens when you miss your children , the constant thud in an already damaged heart , the ever growing and spreading knots in an already twisted stomach. The pain that comes from fear that we are all alone in such an unforgiving world. Fear ! Pain ! Regret !

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But wait , we haven’t remembered why we keep allowing such pain  in ….. it’s the light , love and joy that we get from the good times. Without that pain , how could the joy feel so fucking good ? It could not. I don’t know about other people , not mentally disturbed people. Me ? I would take some time feeling pain , so I could feel such joy and happiness , yeah it’s THAT good. Also shuffling around in life numb because your shielding yourself from pain , prevents ecstasy. That’s something I never want to pass up. Five minutes of such wonderful , pure happy is worth a year of pain in my humble opinion. I think people that shut out any normal feelings don’t understand that we have been given a life so we can fucking LIVE. Not so we can tip toe through without having any experiences and without learning. Cause , you guessed it

“We can’t learn without pain”  Aristotle

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I firmly believe when we stop learning we stop growing and who wants to be ignorant to everything the whole time we celebrate life.

Mother shut men out of her life. I’m guessing she saw them as the cause of  most of her pain. Not to mention the bitch thinks she’s learned it all. That sort of closed mind , the sort that is closed locked and nailed shut is a huge source of dickish behavior.

I would much rather get some cuts and bruises  , broken bones or even hot pepper farts. Than to not feel anything for however much time we have left to celebrate our existence.  Bring it on motherfuckers …..give it to me. I can take it.

So rip that band aid off man. Let’s move past that and keep the celebration going.

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