What goes up , always comes down

So here I am again. The downward spiral. I know it’s coming. It always does. No matter what medication I take or don’t take , no matter my meditation or therapy. The highs and lows are always present.

When I was diagnosed in 2008 I was a psych nurse and did exactly as I was told. Took a plethora of medication , therapy every week. I was a fucking zombie and couldn’t barely function. I do things a little different these days , more natural. I love meditation and aromatherapy. I utilize marijuana for the mania and to help me relax. I take a mood stabilizer and something for sleep when necessary. Sir keeps an eye on me and together we manage.

I still do not enjoy the lows , the emptiness , feeling so alone. Like no one gets it. I’m not lazy , I can’t get out of the bed. If I did where would I go ? What would I do ? Not people , I don’t like people when I’m down. Of course he bright side is that it does always change so the low will be gone and I’ll be happy again for a while.

I appreciate the good times.

I miss my dad

I miss my kids

I’m sad that I can’t be around my family because they judge so harshly

Sir is all I have , I get scared He will leave , them what ?

It’s gonna be OK

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