Money ? No I just ran out.

I sat up in bed. I didn’t know what time it was , I felt discombobulated. There was a knock on the door. when  I stumbled through the den to open the door.  I saw several people through the window , curious. I opened my pretty red door.  It was Brad Pitt with the publisher clearinghouse gang and a couple of guys were hold a giant cardboard check , with my name on it! That is when I realized I was dreaming.

I am 46 years old , I do a bunch of stuff on social media trying to make money.  I am clever , I have some excellent ideas … why am I still broke as the day is long ?  Maybe I’m chosen , or the first four decades of my life was just practice. Whatever the reason I would like to break the cycle , stop the madness , just say no to broke …. hahaha!!

I have learned it does not take a pocket full of cash to be happy or have fun. As long as I am free I’m happy.

When I feel stuck in unhappy.  I can remember having a free spirit , a gypsy soul as a child.  I also always felt different because of it , and not different in a good way.  I spent so many years being what my family and society dictated I was supposed to be that I didn’t figure out who I am until , well until now.

Go to college , go to  college I heard that a lot. I wouldn’t amount to a thing without an education. I was also told to loose weight and stop sucking my thumb too. I’m like , damn , there must be something wrong with my thumb if I shouldn’t suck on it.

Seriously though I did think there was something wrong with me the worst being my physical appearance. The feelings of being less than and apart from stayed with me for this long that is quite a long lasting effect  wouldn’t you think ?

 

I must also say ,  I could have busted out of the mental restraints I had on long ago if I had just believed more in myself. Then I wonder how was I supposed to believe in myself if no one else ever did ? Yes everyone was proud when I became a nurse , that’s what they thought I had to do to be happy. Nursing didn’t make me happy. It made my family members happy. I started to wonder , why do these things that make all these other people happy ? It was making me miserable.

I stopped doing what made other folks happy and started doing what I liked to do. I’m happy and my Sir is too. If that makes people angry ,  they can go visit they’re tree friend. Hahaha

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